


Just a Spoonful

by TheSleepiestDreamer



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Cutagens | Cute Effects of Mutagens (The Witcher), F/M, Fluff, Inspired by The Accidental Warlord and His Pack Series - inexplicifics, Kinda?, M/M, One Shot, Podfic Welcome, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28424541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSleepiestDreamer/pseuds/TheSleepiestDreamer
Summary: A new food arrives in Kaer Morhen, and the Wolves have an interesting response.(It's peanut butter)
Relationships: Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Lambert (The Witcher)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 29
Kudos: 289
Collections: Inspired by inexplicific Accidental Warlord AU





	Just a Spoonful

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [With a Conquering Air](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23273713) by [inexplicifics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inexplicifics/pseuds/inexplicifics). 



> The idea for this very silly story came to me as I woke up one morning and I just needed to write it. 
> 
> A special thank you to Locktea for beta reading this for me, your help is greatly appreciated 💕
> 
> And a huge thank you to inexplicifics for allowing everyone to play around in the beautiful world that you created 💕
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

**Marlene**

The strange new legume came to the kitchens by way of a Witcher who had been stationed near the border of Nilfgaard. Apparently, the crop grew so abundantly there that it featured in many dishes in a variety of preparations that were _like nothing else, Marlene_ , and it was no hardship for the local peasantry to part ways with the curious plant. 

It had taken some time to get descriptions of the food from the lad beyond _fucking tasty_ and _roasted, maybe? It was definitely in there-_ before Marlene felt comfortable trying to recreate anything he had eaten during his travels. Having tried a handful herself to get a grasp of the flavor she decided that they could be worked with and had them stocked in the kitchens.

It was an accident, really, that resulted in the creation of the creamy spread. Marlene had instructed her newest apprentice, a young girl with almost more enthusiasm than could be contained in her small body, to grind up some whole spices with a bit of oil to be used as a rub on the meat for supper. The girl, Izabela, had set about her task with perhaps a bit _too_ much of that enthusiasm, quickly turning the contents of her mortar into a thick paste instead of the loose mixture it was supposed to be. She also, apparently, was in need of bifocals as instead of the spices she had managed to grab a handful of the shelled peanuts, that beyond the color truly did not resemble the ingredients she was supposed to be using. 

A soft _whoops_ and a nervous glance from the young apprentice alerts Marlene to the mistake, and despite the paste tasting quite good it is decidedly _not_ what Izabela was supposed to make and cannot be spread on tonight’s roast, nor can it be incorporated into any of the other planned meals for that week. Luckily there are always Witchers coming and going through the kitchens, with the Cats having a tendency to lurk in hopes for a quick snack or taste of a meal to come. When she turns to a favored lurking corner she sees Lambert, sniffing and looking hopeful at every passing cook. He’ll do. 

“Oi, Lambert! C’mere and give this a taste.”

Lambert, the great oaf, puts the entire spoonful of the paste into his mouth. He had initially seemed pleased by the taste, as Marlene expected, but is seemingly incapable of actually _saying_ anything as he only opens his mouth to give his tongue more space to try to scrape the sticky substance from the top of his mouth. 

Marlene and Izabela watch with increasing amusement and a small amount of concern as Lambert continues on with his strange licking, fully absorbed in the task, instead doing the sensible thing and asking for a drink to clear his mouth. Some minutes, and a great deal of lip smacking later, it seems that the Witcher has finally gotten all of the paste off his palate and can once again speak. 

“It’s good. Got any more?” This sends Izabela into peals of laughter and Marlene herself cracks into a wide smile. It had taken him nearly a quarter of a glass just to make his way through a _spoonful_ and he wanted _more_. Ridiculous creatures, Witchers.

“Not at the moment, but we can make more. Shall I send it up to the high table when we do?” Lambert gives an enthusiastic nod and thanks Marlene and Izabela before being promptly shooed from the kitchens before he could further disrupt the supper preparations.

  
  


**Lambert**

Lambert has been telling anyone and everyone who he thinks mighty be interested about the really fucking tasty treat that the kitchen has worked up, which amounts to most of his Wolf brothers and some from the other schools, and Milena of course. Aiden, the absolute ass, had just laughed at Lambert’s attempts to describe the “creamy nut thing”. At least Eskel and Geralt had pretended to be interested when he told them about the kitchen’s newest creation, and Milena had been genuinely interested in giving it a try should it ever make its way out of the kitchens. 

When it does, about a week after he first gave it a try, he’s so damn excited that he practically forces a spoon into the mouths of those who had seemed willing to give it a try before scooping a heaping spoonful for himself and settling in to enjoy the rich nutty flavor. All around him his brothers begin to make surprised, happy sounds as they sample what he knows must be the food of the gods and he feels a sense of smug satisfaction because he _knew_ the fuckers would like it and he’s going to rub it in their skeptical faces, just as soon as he’s done with his serving.

**Jaskier**

Jaskier is pleasantly surprised and a fair deal confused at the nearly full table of Witchers still in the main hall. Usually, they were long gone to the training grounds by the time the non-Witcher occupants arrive for their morning meal. As he gets closer it seems that his lovers are rather...occupied with eating their breakfasts, only pausing in their strange lapping to hum in greeting when he kisses their cheeks. He watches transfixed as they continue on for quite some time before Eskel turns to him and silently offers him a spoonful whatever it is that has captivated them so thoroughly. He accepts, taking a small lick, and is pleased by the flavor, but not it seems to the extent that the Wolves are. Ciri has been giggling nearly the entire time, and tipped over into full belly laughs when Geralt tries to hand feed her the way he must have when she was a babe. Eventually, the Witchers finish their meals and head out to get a rather late start to their daily training, leaving behind several very amused humans and sorceresses. 

Jaskier has just about put the incident out of his mind as a rather silly anecdote when Milena leans towards him as they scale the stairs to Ciri’s rooms and whispers “The only other thing I’ve seen him enjoy licking that much is me.” He has to take a moment to lean against the wall and catch his breath after laughing so hard that tears have tracked down his cheeks before finishing the climb, though his smile stays on his face the rest of the day. 


End file.
